Dear Diary...

Today I phoned Eng Hoe crying that I will be reborn as a peta.
I told him that cos lately I always lose patience with my mom.
Haha he says he doubt I will be reborn as a hungry ghost.

As to how I should respond to situations whereby I am "provoked"..
he reminded me to approach it with Mindfulness...
don't just React, like I do out of habit.
Be mindful, take a moment back and reflect first,...
if I react this way, what will happen? Will it improve the situation? or make it worse? or hurt feelings?

He also says now I am the "adult" in the situation, I shouldn't take what she says as "her"...
just like if my students throw tantrum or scold.... I know better than to React and succumb to their tantrum.
I should realise that when she says those words, it is not "her" talking and don't take it personally.
I am reminded by Ajahn Brahms lotus analogy... the water just rolls off the lotus... the lotus remains pure and unaffected.

Learn to remain neutral under all circumstances, Uppekkha. If she says bad things, then just shut it out...
I told him somehow I am able to do that for my grandmother but for my mom it's difficult.
He says that I just haven't gotten used to it only, once you train yourself to, you'll be able to do it and be unaffected by her negative comments.

Eng Hoe also explained why I shouldn't just React, from a Kammic perspective.
What happens to me, may be my kamma, but my kamma doesn't dictate how I respond to it. In fact, how well or badly I respond to it, may just create good/bad kamma for the future.
Example, someone scolds me,... probably something bad I did in the past due to bad kamma it is "fated" that someone scolds me.
But I may be Mindful enough to respond to it positively. I can choose not to let it upset me and maybe laugh over it. -> good kamma
or I may be UnMindful and React to it Emotionally -> bad kamma
So do not just React. Be Mindful.

p/s- it just occured to me something,
I said to Eng Hoe that I find it hard to remain neutral becos "she is my mother"...
but if you see things in the grander scale of things,....
she is your mother only in this lifetime,... past life she's probably not your mother, probably someone else is your mother. Are you going to go be emotional about he way this someone else who is your mother in the past life?
No right? So you just do your Service in this life to someone who is your mother in this life. Show her compassion like you would other pple (eg your students)