Dear Diary...

Lots to be happy these couple of days. Mom seems to be emotionally and physically stronger now.

1. Took mom to botanical gardens.
2. Mom goes to gym frequently now.
3. Mom thinks positive
4. Mom gung ho about decluttering!
5. Had a nice lunch with Mr Chee
6. Mr Chee belanja me lunch!
7. Mr Chee gave me a very good Abby Whiteside book
8. Anne gave me a Dalai Lama book and chocolates!
9. Read Eat Love Pray

It has been an emotionally tumultuous past 3 days, culminating with a "Wolverine attack" this afternoon.
The chat with Bah was so therapeutic, it was as if I was hit with a tranquiliser shot. I guess it's cos she and me same frequency and her words just clicked with me. And also the fact that she too has gone through the same thing taking care of her mom and she has been through depression too, so she knows exactly how to snap out of it.

Go and read through our chat history, I emailed to your hotmail.
But the gist of it is

• don't beat yourself up for flipping out and unable to handle the situation, it is stressful times you're going through, for ANYBODY
  it's part of our Fright, Flight, Fight response
• when you're hit with it, try to "remove yourself from the situation"... walk away.. take a drive to a park... the objective now is to prevent the tension from escalating
• bear in mind, as people get older, they don't think like they used to anymore, so pick your battles, no point wasting your energy in trying to win EVERYTHING
  for lack of a better comparison, "who is the bigger fool, the fool or the person who argues with a fool"
• New Mantra: Don't be slave to your emotions
• additional "snapping out" tip: find a new project that you can get excited in eg. a new dress pattern style you'd lke to wear, scarves etc

Always remember, this too will pass.

p/s - I realise the reason why it took so long for me to "snap out of it" is because I was pig-headed in just locking myself in my room, making myself feel like I cannot dig myself out of the rut....
notice that you felt better after you went out to teach and "removed yourself from the situation"
i also think partly the reason you got hit by the episode was cos, during the 1 week holiday, you spent quite a lot of time just in your room and din't go out much and socialise. So although last time, it was your MO to spend your off days chilling at home, well nowadays you need to change with the situation, need to get out a bit more for your sanity yeah....

Stress is all around us, and sometimes those little fissures boil over into real dilemmas. Here are five ways you can handle the curves life throws at you with composure and grace.

1. Don't become part of the problem. Concentrate on the worthwhile things in your life that can be turned around. Focus on answers and solutions.

2. Remain committed to creating a new life for yourself.Even through the darkest and most depressing times, wake up each morning determined to stay the course for as long as it lasts. Keep your heart and mind completely on track. Either swim toward solutions or sink and lose everything.

3. Allow the experience to open you up to what you need to learn.Every situation is an education. Learn that if you open your mind to the voices of others, you will open your life to receiving your good.

4. Engage in acts of selflessness.Even if it seems insignificant, devote yourself to giving. Many of us have been blessed with benefits both immeasurable and incredible. Establish yourself in a community of people who will come to your aid when you need them.

5. Aim at responsibility, honesty, and integrity at all times.We are all part of the whole, and however we act determines what we receive. There is a law of cause and effect, and what we express comes back to us faithfully.

Be Happy!!!

Dear Mangalam,

Thank you for you splendid company during dinner today. It's always a pleasure being with you. you exude such inspiring confidence and inspiration to me. You have no idea how much your spirit really boosted me up today.

Actually for the past few days i have been quite depressed and pls don't be shocked when I say this morning for almost 10 seconds (luckily it only lasted 10 seconds) I was entertaining thoughts of taking a knife and just cutting my hand... Yes you might have realised that you asked me a few times how I am, but I just either evaded your question or pretended I didn't hear....
so you can imagine how down I was today before we all met but hearing you speak so passionately about what you did there and how strong your principles are, I couldn't help but be infected by you strong sense of principles and how you live by it. I came home this evening a much stronger person.

Hopefully in days to come, if I encounter such dark moments again, I will look back at our "loud" evening at Karaikudi and be reminded to be strong again.

By living your life the way you do, you are not only directly helping the people in Myanmar, but you are setting a good example for the people who know you as well. So please continue to set your own standards and follow your own path irrespective of society's norms and expectations. I really look up to you for that.
Thank you for being my friend.

Thankfully:

1. We are doing well financially
2. I have a job I love
3. I don't have my own family to care for/support
4. I have a car I love
5. Lovely view from the house
6. Dependable maid

Yesterday, I "found" my long lost neighbour Row Row on Facebook. She said she just came back from a medical volunteer trip to Sri Lanka. Upon hearing that, a little voice inside me was very envious and said "I wish I can do that too!"

Then today, I realised, "Hey! Charity starts at home."
What you are doing now, everyday, is something even more noble. Rather than going to help total strangers, why not your own mother, which like Eng Hoe says, after the Buddha is the next person worthy of honour.

So think of this as a long term mission trip on an island in the sun :)
That's some major re-framing!

1. Changed bedsheet


2. Watch IRIS


3. Went piano recital at USM


4. Finished reading Alice In Wonderland


5. Donated blood


6. Went hiking with Anne!


7. Read "Eat, Pray, Love"


8. Watched "Fated To Love You"


9. Went haberdashery shop


10. Went Stanchart


11. Checked out British Council library


12. Took mom walking to Botanical Gardens


13. Made card for Esme


14. Took a nice nap

1. Had a nice power nap in the afternoon. Felt really refreshed and good mood afterwards despite being bad mood before lunch. Will try to have more naps, cos everything goes smoothly afterwards :)
2. Successfully did all the chorse at Public Bank: collected cheque book, paid mom's Visa, applied PAC
3. Whoonie and Uncle Gordon belanja OFA
4. Enjoyed Fish and Chips and coffee
5. Spring cleaning mom's medicine and my toiletries cupboard

1. Woke up energetic and practised piano in the morning
2. Watched a couple of episodes of IRIS
3. Had a nice restful nap
4. Mom cooked yummy hokkien char
5. Watched American Idol

Aww I love Siobhan Magnus, her style is so sweet and cool lah... unique....
But having said that, I think Crystal Bowersox will go all the way. Let's not forget my favourite Lily Taylor....

The guys... I love the voice of Lee Dewyze

1. The twins were absent, got to practise.
2. Had yummie Tonki teriyaki chicken for lunch
3. Good lesson with Yvonne, she learn fast! :)
4. Enjoyed dinner with Poh See

1. Fun teaching day with Carla
2. Mom cooked yummy food
3. Good teaching day with my Korean girls
4. Received Commission from Mrs Fong (Audrey bought piano)
5. Got paycheck! :)

Oh gosh it's been 4 days since I last wrote, a lot has happened since then!
And a lot of things I have learnt too!

1. Friday- No work! Woo hoo!
2. Checked out a new restaurant with Eng Hoe and gang. Food wasn't good but had fun "playing with our food"
3. Shopping at Gurney
4. Finally bought me leather bound diary! :)
5. Saturday: Oh gosh broke out in a terrible rash! Really taught me a very important lesson.
   Beauty is skin deep
6. Had a nice time "pampering" myself with Korean drama IRIS
7. Sunday- decided to put on a "disguise" and go out anyway with Ching Geak and gang. Wore my Taiwan hat and sunglasses,.. and wow I looked like an actress trying to go incognito! Had a splendid time with the gals at Hardwicke
8. Had a productive day: Picked up Ji Koo from airport, brought him to see Ama and also settled Ama's bank stuff.
9. Ji Koo bought me t-shirt and chocolates
10. Yippeee the Korean boys cancelled. Managed to get a good nap
11. Tues: Had a good time at piano lesson
12. Sherlz's mom gave angpow
13. Ji Koo gave good advice on time management
14. Mr Chee called! Nice to hear his voice. He's coming back on 20 March