Dear Diary...

Wise words from Bahiyah:

When we feel sad, down, think about what the other person must be feeling.
When we try to make others feel better, we feel better ourselves.
Have the comfort of knowing you'll get through this experience and you'll be a better person.
Seeing your parents still positive despite cards being down is a humbling experience and you get outside your own grief.

Get out of bed and face it and do the best you can.
Reality often is not as bad as you imagine.

Since I’m in between relationships at the moment, I’ve had some time to think about what I want and don’t want in a future partner. It helps, too, that I’ve had ample opportunity to observe all of my friends and their relationships. So I made a list of some must-haves we single ladies should be looking for. Well, not just looking for, but holding out for. Here’s what is non-negotiable:
1. A guy who can make you laugh. Some things in life are not funny. Can he make you at least chuckle when the chips are down?
2. A guy who will laugh at your jokes and “get” you. He might not understand you perfectly on the first date, but if you think you’re funny at all, I hope he gets that and appreciates it about you. Otherwise, you could be Kathy Griffin and you’ll still be laughing alone your whole life. Well, she's single. But I mean, if Kathy Griffin were—whatever!3. A guy who will attend your lame “things.” Adult dance recital, Mom’s birthday party? Find the guy who will go to something boring even though he will get nothing out of it—but he'll go for you.
4. A guy who will do nothing with you. And I mean Nothing. If you’re feeling low-energy, anti-social, or blah, can he sit and do nothing with you or does he always leave you on the couch and go party with the guys? And could you two entertain each other on a deserted island or while stuck in traffic?
5. A guy who will give you a thoughtful gift or card. Not every time, obviously, but I would hope this dude would have his moments of showing you he has thought about you.
6. A guy who will say he loves you. I do not care about his made-up theory that love is just a social construct or what have you. Hold out for someone who can and will say it. Also, he shouldn’t say it just because you want him to; he should say it because it feels good to say it.
7. A guy you respect. Does he have a good head on his shoulders? Does he generally like his job? Is he proud of himself? Let’s hope so, ‘cause if you think he’s a lazy idiot, you’ll end up resenting him.
I asked some of my friends what they held out for, and this is what they told me….
8. A guy you have good chemistry with. He doesn’t have to be Jude Law, but you should be attracted enough so that every time you have an argument, you will be motivated (by your underlying desire for him!) to work it out.
9. A guy who agrees with you about travel. If you have wanderlust and he never wants to leave his hometown, don’t compromise by staying with him long-term and staying home. It’s fine to be a homebody, but if you're interested in exploring, find a guy with the travel bug. Otherwise, you’ll look back one day when you’re too old, tired, or broke and you'll wish you had seen the world.
10. A guy with similar family goals. Don’t compromise on whether or not you’ll have kids. If you want them, find a guy who does. Me, I don’t get serious with guys who say “maybe” they want kids. I want someone who feels as sure as I do—and I can't talk anyone in or out of anything.
And finally, the best one—of course, comes from my wise friend Melissa:
11. “Wait for someone who sees you the way you want to be seen. He thinks you’re smart, funny, beautiful and powerful—always. Even on days when you can’t believe any of that about yourself.”
That’s a good one! Can’t wait for that.

I know it's good to start writing Gratitude Diary again, it will help with the healing..

1. Slept in late today
2. I think I "scared" Evelyn the other day after she witnessed my "outburst". The next day she went to buy me an Agate bracelet. Awww so sweet of her!
3. Evelyn invited me over to her house for lunch today. Wow! She cooked up a feast! One whole roast chicken, salsa-like salad, mash potatoes, boiled vegetables.
4. Brought over ice cream and juice to Evelyn's [mudita]
5. Saw Lee Joon Ki on tv at Evelyn's
6. Evelyn's mom showed me her quilt making.
7. Had nice dinner with Quei Nee and afterwards went to watch Eclipse with her.

• I came back from Singapore to be with my mom, many people would not leave a comfortable lifestyle with good salary.
• After work I spend at least till 11.30pm with mom.
• The gift of Dhamma excels all gifts
  I chanted with her.
  I shared Dhamma talks with her
  I taught her how to chant Bhavatu sabba mangalam...
  I brought her to the temple
• Brought her to her class reunions
• Bring her for "makan angin" in the car, Esplanade, Gurney Drive
• Brought her "makan angin" at Tanjung Seri Pinang
• Bring her for sing-along at senior citizen's (honestly, how many times have you seen your mom's friend's children bring them there?)
• Took her to Botanical Gardens
• Took mom to gym
• Enjoyed giving mom hairwash
• Enjoyed giving mom massage
• Enjoyed doing makeup for mom
• Bring mom to cinema, watch Mamma Mia, her senior citizen screenings....
• Enjoyed playing Scrabble with mom
• Enjoyed playing What Word on comp with mom
• Brought her to Soroptomist concert at WOU
• Brought mom to concert at Dewan Sri Pinang
• Brought mom to vocal recital at Komtar
• Brought mom to Than Siang temple
• Bought mom crystal
• Bought mom lotsa t-shirts, clothes

A teaching from Venerable Ajahn Chah (Pra Bhodinyana Thera):
"About this mind... In truth there is nothing really wrong with it. It is intrinsically pure. Within itself it's already peaceful. That the mind is not peaceful these days is because it follows moods. The real mind doesn't have anything to it, it is simply (an aspect of) Nature. It becomes peaceful or agitated because moods deceive it. The untrained mind is stupid. Sense impressions come and trick it into happiness, suffering, gladness and sorrow, but the mind's true nature is none of those things. That gladness or sadness is not the mind, but only a mood coming to deceive us. The untrained mind gets lost and follows these things, it forgets itself. Then we think that it is we who are upset or at ease or whatever. But really this mind of ours is already unmoving and peaceful... really peaceful! Just like a leaf which is still as long as no wind blows. If a wind comes up the leaf flutters. The fluttering is due to the wind -- the 'fluttering' is due to those sense impressions; the mind follows them. If it doesn't follow them, it doesn't 'flutter.' If we know fully the true nature of sense impressions we will be unmoved. Our practice is simply to see the Original Mind. So we must train the mind to know those sense impressions, and not get lost in them. To make it peaceful. Just this is the aim of all this difficult practice we put ourselves through."

1. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
2. Alice In Wonderland & Through The Looking Glass (CS Lewis)
3. Eat, Pray, Love (Elizabeth Gilbert)
4. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Stieg Larsson)
5. Step On It Cupid (Lorelai Mathias) - a Little Black Dress book
6. Twenties Girl (Sophie Kinsella)

[Target: 10 books]

1. Received a compliment from Mr Fong today. He said I "looked cool"... haha!
   (I tried out a new matching clothes today, my old grey HangTen shirt + grey bolero)
2. Christine cancelled so I managed to ask Mrs Gan to shift till later
   (ask and you shall receive)
3. Ate yummy chicken chop (from Tanjung Tokong Food Court) with mom in hospital

1. Woke early, did yoga
2. Went hospital, signed consent form, brought Recormon, watched Oprah - Gloria Steinem, Billie Jean King
3. Bought porridge for mom and ama
4. Grocery shopping for Tom - bacon, UHT, 100 Plus
5. KFC for Tom and me
6. Brought porridge for ama
7. Brought porridge for mom
8. Flu jab
9. Had a nice nap at Jockey Road

The past few weeks have been a soul searching experience for me. Full of frustration, doubt, uncertainty and heh, depression.

Today I realised, hey I'm just going through a PHASE, this too will pass.
It's not as if life totally gave me a raw deal. I had a good time in Singapore, a time of personal discovery, of self-improvement, knowing a lot of people, fun and fredom.

Anicca, things change, and now you enter a new phase in your life (it was getting "boring" and predictable in Singapore too right?)
It's time to develop the other aspects in your life. Spiritual, family, so what if you put self-improvement on hold for a bit? Sometimes people do plateau, it's not uncommon. But don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean you stop having fun yeah!!

Today's interview with Gloria Steinem on Oprah is really an eye opener and encouragement. She's 74 years old and she looks Fabulous!!! Don't feel as if life is at a dead-end... it's not true... look at Gloria Steinem, I'm sure she went through a lot of "phases" as well and learnt a whole lot of things...

Bottom line, Love Yourself and Have Fun!

Good things happen when you start your day early.

Accomplished a lot, even before noon! :)

1. Serviced my car at Perodua
2. Collected bloodtest results for Eng Hoe and me
3. Dropped by Auntie Sui Mui's to return her CD/book. Managed to stay and watch some Ex-SGGS dinner video and chat with her
   
   All this before lunch!! bBasyaaahh!! :)
   
4. Fetched mom to Ideal
5. Taught the Korean boys
6. Shopped for books, Times clearance sale; bought How Starbucks Saved My Life, Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, Eloise (chinese version)

Way To Go!! Keep It UP!

Surprisingly Grey's Anatomy gave some flashes of wisdom that I can totally benefit from at this point.

1. There was one scene where one doctor was panicking when the procedure went wrong. Dr Hahn came and saved the day.
   Her first step: try to CALM DOWN the doctor first. The doctor was lamenting and regretting the decision to do the procedure, saying the patient would still be alright if she didn't decide to do it. Dr Hahn REASSURED her that trying out new procedure is not a wrong thing, in fact should be encouraged to push the boundaries of medicine. PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE
   2nd step: Calm down further, take DEEP BREATHS
   3rd step: CALMLY talk her through what she remembers, going step by step, re-phrasing it for her, ASK QUESTIONS to prompt her.
2. The scene where Dr Owen Hunt, the army doctor cabut-ed the icicle out of Dr Yang. Dr Yang was saying how she was the best intern last time and she never made mistakes, but that day one of her patients died cos of a mistake she made. Dr Hunt said that, he makes mistakes too, but her learns from them, and the next time he doesn't repeat them again. Mistakes are opportunities for us to learn.
   

Lots to be happy these couple of days. Mom seems to be emotionally and physically stronger now.

1. Took mom to botanical gardens.
2. Mom goes to gym frequently now.
3. Mom thinks positive
4. Mom gung ho about decluttering!
5. Had a nice lunch with Mr Chee
6. Mr Chee belanja me lunch!
7. Mr Chee gave me a very good Abby Whiteside book
8. Anne gave me a Dalai Lama book and chocolates!
9. Read Eat Love Pray

It has been an emotionally tumultuous past 3 days, culminating with a "Wolverine attack" this afternoon.
The chat with Bah was so therapeutic, it was as if I was hit with a tranquiliser shot. I guess it's cos she and me same frequency and her words just clicked with me. And also the fact that she too has gone through the same thing taking care of her mom and she has been through depression too, so she knows exactly how to snap out of it.

Go and read through our chat history, I emailed to your hotmail.
But the gist of it is

• don't beat yourself up for flipping out and unable to handle the situation, it is stressful times you're going through, for ANYBODY
  it's part of our Fright, Flight, Fight response
• when you're hit with it, try to "remove yourself from the situation"... walk away.. take a drive to a park... the objective now is to prevent the tension from escalating
• bear in mind, as people get older, they don't think like they used to anymore, so pick your battles, no point wasting your energy in trying to win EVERYTHING
  for lack of a better comparison, "who is the bigger fool, the fool or the person who argues with a fool"
• New Mantra: Don't be slave to your emotions
• additional "snapping out" tip: find a new project that you can get excited in eg. a new dress pattern style you'd lke to wear, scarves etc

Always remember, this too will pass.

p/s - I realise the reason why it took so long for me to "snap out of it" is because I was pig-headed in just locking myself in my room, making myself feel like I cannot dig myself out of the rut....
notice that you felt better after you went out to teach and "removed yourself from the situation"
i also think partly the reason you got hit by the episode was cos, during the 1 week holiday, you spent quite a lot of time just in your room and din't go out much and socialise. So although last time, it was your MO to spend your off days chilling at home, well nowadays you need to change with the situation, need to get out a bit more for your sanity yeah....

Stress is all around us, and sometimes those little fissures boil over into real dilemmas. Here are five ways you can handle the curves life throws at you with composure and grace.

1. Don't become part of the problem. Concentrate on the worthwhile things in your life that can be turned around. Focus on answers and solutions.

2. Remain committed to creating a new life for yourself.Even through the darkest and most depressing times, wake up each morning determined to stay the course for as long as it lasts. Keep your heart and mind completely on track. Either swim toward solutions or sink and lose everything.

3. Allow the experience to open you up to what you need to learn.Every situation is an education. Learn that if you open your mind to the voices of others, you will open your life to receiving your good.

4. Engage in acts of selflessness.Even if it seems insignificant, devote yourself to giving. Many of us have been blessed with benefits both immeasurable and incredible. Establish yourself in a community of people who will come to your aid when you need them.

5. Aim at responsibility, honesty, and integrity at all times.We are all part of the whole, and however we act determines what we receive. There is a law of cause and effect, and what we express comes back to us faithfully.

Be Happy!!!

Dear Mangalam,

Thank you for you splendid company during dinner today. It's always a pleasure being with you. you exude such inspiring confidence and inspiration to me. You have no idea how much your spirit really boosted me up today.

Actually for the past few days i have been quite depressed and pls don't be shocked when I say this morning for almost 10 seconds (luckily it only lasted 10 seconds) I was entertaining thoughts of taking a knife and just cutting my hand... Yes you might have realised that you asked me a few times how I am, but I just either evaded your question or pretended I didn't hear....
so you can imagine how down I was today before we all met but hearing you speak so passionately about what you did there and how strong your principles are, I couldn't help but be infected by you strong sense of principles and how you live by it. I came home this evening a much stronger person.

Hopefully in days to come, if I encounter such dark moments again, I will look back at our "loud" evening at Karaikudi and be reminded to be strong again.

By living your life the way you do, you are not only directly helping the people in Myanmar, but you are setting a good example for the people who know you as well. So please continue to set your own standards and follow your own path irrespective of society's norms and expectations. I really look up to you for that.
Thank you for being my friend.

Thankfully:

1. We are doing well financially
2. I have a job I love
3. I don't have my own family to care for/support
4. I have a car I love
5. Lovely view from the house
6. Dependable maid

Yesterday, I "found" my long lost neighbour Row Row on Facebook. She said she just came back from a medical volunteer trip to Sri Lanka. Upon hearing that, a little voice inside me was very envious and said "I wish I can do that too!"

Then today, I realised, "Hey! Charity starts at home."
What you are doing now, everyday, is something even more noble. Rather than going to help total strangers, why not your own mother, which like Eng Hoe says, after the Buddha is the next person worthy of honour.

So think of this as a long term mission trip on an island in the sun :)
That's some major re-framing!

1. Changed bedsheet


2. Watch IRIS


3. Went piano recital at USM


4. Finished reading Alice In Wonderland


5. Donated blood


6. Went hiking with Anne!


7. Read "Eat, Pray, Love"


8. Watched "Fated To Love You"


9. Went haberdashery shop


10. Went Stanchart


11. Checked out British Council library


12. Took mom walking to Botanical Gardens


13. Made card for Esme


14. Took a nice nap

1. Had a nice power nap in the afternoon. Felt really refreshed and good mood afterwards despite being bad mood before lunch. Will try to have more naps, cos everything goes smoothly afterwards :)
2. Successfully did all the chorse at Public Bank: collected cheque book, paid mom's Visa, applied PAC
3. Whoonie and Uncle Gordon belanja OFA
4. Enjoyed Fish and Chips and coffee
5. Spring cleaning mom's medicine and my toiletries cupboard

1. Woke up energetic and practised piano in the morning
2. Watched a couple of episodes of IRIS
3. Had a nice restful nap
4. Mom cooked yummy hokkien char
5. Watched American Idol

Aww I love Siobhan Magnus, her style is so sweet and cool lah... unique....
But having said that, I think Crystal Bowersox will go all the way. Let's not forget my favourite Lily Taylor....

The guys... I love the voice of Lee Dewyze

1. The twins were absent, got to practise.
2. Had yummie Tonki teriyaki chicken for lunch
3. Good lesson with Yvonne, she learn fast! :)
4. Enjoyed dinner with Poh See

1. Fun teaching day with Carla
2. Mom cooked yummy food
3. Good teaching day with my Korean girls
4. Received Commission from Mrs Fong (Audrey bought piano)
5. Got paycheck! :)

Oh gosh it's been 4 days since I last wrote, a lot has happened since then!
And a lot of things I have learnt too!

1. Friday- No work! Woo hoo!
2. Checked out a new restaurant with Eng Hoe and gang. Food wasn't good but had fun "playing with our food"
3. Shopping at Gurney
4. Finally bought me leather bound diary! :)
5. Saturday: Oh gosh broke out in a terrible rash! Really taught me a very important lesson.
   Beauty is skin deep
6. Had a nice time "pampering" myself with Korean drama IRIS
7. Sunday- decided to put on a "disguise" and go out anyway with Ching Geak and gang. Wore my Taiwan hat and sunglasses,.. and wow I looked like an actress trying to go incognito! Had a splendid time with the gals at Hardwicke
8. Had a productive day: Picked up Ji Koo from airport, brought him to see Ama and also settled Ama's bank stuff.
9. Ji Koo bought me t-shirt and chocolates
10. Yippeee the Korean boys cancelled. Managed to get a good nap
11. Tues: Had a good time at piano lesson
12. Sherlz's mom gave angpow
13. Ji Koo gave good advice on time management
14. Mr Chee called! Nice to hear his voice. He's coming back on 20 March

1. Had fun at group study, participated, asked lots of questions
2. Had a nice time at Sakae Sushi, chemistry with everyone :)
3. Finally opened a Retirement Plan :D

1. Took mom to her Senior Citizen's Annual Dinner
2. Got VIP parking space... yippee!
3. Got angpow from Auntie Teresa
4. Got angpow from Auntie Ah Keat and Uncle Johnny
5. First lesson back at Saori's

1. Tidied the kitchen!! Something I've been wanting to do for a long time!! :D
   Hurray for Pearly
2. Had such a good afternoon nap, been a long long while since I had chance for a nap...
3. Service: Drove mom to Senior Citizen's Open Day as well as sing-a-long, glad she had a nice day!

1. I woke up early and cooked pasta (yes Arashi's Bambino theme song was still playing!)
   It tasted good! Man, I'm getting better at this :)
2. Received AngPow from Yvonne's mom. She behaved and responded well today
3. Received Oranges and cookies from Kee Shin Pearl
4. Calmly settled Ama's bill, discharge, and arranged transport, paid nursing home
5. Got a present from Digital gang

1. Though it was first day at work, wasn't so bad, kept patient with my students


2. Visited Ama, brought herbal chicken soup that mom made, she enjoyed it!


3. Cooked fried noodles for mom, it was yummy lah!


4. Enjoyed a refreshing watermelon juice :)


5. Cleaned the kitchen


6. Actually had fun teaching Nicole and Samantha


7. Had fun playing Fusbal and Car IQ with Sherlotte


8. Did CCPD for mom

1. If I were to write only one thing to be grateful for today, it would be enough.Today's dana was such a good 'refresher course'/booster...Bhante Cattamalo really made me think! A lot of things that he said resonated with me.

• Don't always 'react' to Perceptions, if you do, you'll always lose your temper, lose patience, hate.... instead see things as they are
• Always bear in mind the 3 roots: Greed Hatred Delusion
• Even if you "need" to follow rites and rituals, give some "meaning" to it.... eg when blessing with water,... think of the coolness and let it keep you cool and mindful, not losing your patience even after you step out of the door, let the coolness always remind you...

1. Was a succesful dana, Mom attended and it was "uneventful"
2. Got an opportunity to send Mrs Fong's brother home
3. Watched Valentine's Day
4. Though I was running late, still kept cool and didn't let it bother me. Wow! The dhamma talk was indeed good!
5. Bought stuff at Popular and Cold Storage
6. Visited Ama at hospital
7. Had delicious CharKoayTeow and BakSteak cooked by EngHoe's parents
8. Watched nice movie, Wild Child

1. Ama's op successful
2. Got the bank draft for Ama's op
3. Shopping spree!
   2 books, 1 magazine and one lovely notebook, diary refills

Today on the 3rd day of CNY only I felt somewhat the spirit of CNY.
Dressed up nicely and went visiting to Poh See's house. I like her new place. She cooked laksa. Gosh I think it's one of the nicest laksa I've eaten. Tapao for ama to eat also.

Another festive experience was that, me and Esme were stuck dinnerless for quite sometime... every place we went was jam and no parking and or no seat. We decided to tapao and eat at my place, but guess wat, my place visitor carpark all full. Then we decided to be "romantic" and i went upstairs to get cutleries and eat at Gurney drive... but guess wat, jam too! So we ended up at a little park near Midlands, just sit there and eat... haha.....
Esme said this is now "our spot"... haha....

And the most touching thing for today was...
Esme and Eng Hoe followed me to visit Ama in GH..... awwww!!!

And of course, got angpow from Eng Hoe's parents and brother.. hee!
Joys of being single... collecting angpow....

I think dressmaking is a very good practise, it teaches patience, and at the end of it you're rewarded with something beautiful :)

1. Printed and pasted patterns, printed instructions, did some research on terminology and dressmaking [15 Feb 2010]

1. Got a nice surprise visit from Si Oon, Berns and her mom.
2. Got AngPow from SiOon&Berns, and her mom
3. Visited Ama
4. Played Scrabble with mom
5. Got an SMS from Ms Tan
6. Printed out and pasted my clothes pattern!! :)
7. Eng Hoe called to say he's burning Three's Company for me, Jack Tripper,.. woot!

1. Sleep and wake up late
2. Mom cooked otak otak, rather nice
3. Visited Ama in hospital, she got to talk to all her children [mudita]
4. Fetched Mom, Tom and Auntie Mary to Mr Yeoh's house (Margaret)
5. Auntie Mary gave me very nice "geng geng" cooling drink
6. Got AngPow from Mr Yeoh
7. Got AngPow from Auntie Mary
8. Relaxed at home watch TV, Addicted to Love (Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick, I love them individually, but them together... hmm I dunno,... )
9. Watched American Idol and inspired!
10. YONNE CALLED ALL THE WAY FROM INDONESIA!!! So great to hear her voice again :)
11. Got very enthusiastic about sewing, found a lot of patterns online

With Valentine's Day around the corner, dunno why this year I'm feeling that crappy feeling, was ok previous years. Is it because this year there is actually SOMEONE within reach? Hmmm like that isn't it better to have no one within reach... then no crappy feeling.

So let's try to rationalise things here.
Why do you "want" him to be your bf?

• You want someone to talk to and share with. You can do that as friends. Does it have to be exclusive? Be mindful of this selfish human nature.
• Don't you have enough "commitments" already?
• Godsister complication...
• He has a lot of other friends, doesn't have time for you. But on the other hand, isn't it what it's about... you have your own friends and things too, but you compromise and make time for each other.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Waiting-For-a-Guy-to-Call-is-a-Big-Mistake&id=1201323

Things to do:

• Read "He's Just Not That Into You"
• Sew
• Watch Jdorama

1. Had a nice time out with colleagues for lunch



2. Successful shopping day out at Tesco with mom



3. Bought Nodame bag



4. Bought Eat Pray Love (Elizabeth Gilbert) - 20% discount for Popular's Welcome voucher



5. I found out later that actually Eng Hoe asked Esme to go Tesco to buy the Nodame bag for me... Awwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



6. Gave Esme the book, The Notebook



7. Ate MacDonald's Prosperity Burger with mom



8. Bought me a bin, measuring cup

1. Reached Carla's place on time.



2. Had a nice parking lot right outside the entrance



3. Carla behaved well and learnt new stuff



4. Mom cooked yummy Wan Tan Mee



5. Practised piano during lunch break



6. New Korean students (Piano Idol potentials?? Yes!!)



7. Allenna and Allennie behaved well



8. Wan Jun did well during SR



9. Eunice absent so I got to practise, got back into the groove! [way to go! you turned a negative into a positive!]



10. Mom gave me a nice hand massage



11. Goes to show Time Management pays off. When things go "smoothly" you get less pissed off and attract good things

Jennifer says: The year of the Tiger will be more flexible cos Felines are flexible. Cheers to that!

I didn't feel like writing Gratitude Diary yesterday...
but I guess the more you don't feel like writing it.... the more you NEED to....

anyway... for today.... here goes!

1. Managed to do a bit of yoga today
2. Practised piano for over an hour today
3. Managed to read newspaper too! Some very nice articles
4. Arrived on time for work today
5. Mom cooked yummy food today.. and fantastic salad for dinner,.. and not forgetting wantan... both soup and fried!! boy i'm lucky!
6. Sherlene got 20x USD100 notes in her angpow from her "patron" (i'm including this in my post in my effort to practise Mudita) :)

1. Woke up at leisure, nowhere to rush to
2. Watched Mr Magorium and his Wonder Emporium on TV. Love Natalie Portman.
3. Cooked Chicken Chop with mom. Rather successful and tasty!
4. Cleaned the altar
5. Finished reading The Notebook.
6. Started on The Notebook (the movie)
7. Email from Winnie
8. Email from Abbie

Mr Magorium, a very inspiring movie. About believing in yourself, and the magic that you have within you. The young boy with many hats, wow, he really teaches me that it's ok to be different and express yourself and do the things that you like and make you happy.

1. What a way to start the day! Brandon gave me a bag of CNY goodies, a very cute year of the Tiger card and a box of pineapple tarts.... awww.... the mom is so nice lah! :)
2. Mom cooked amazing lunch and dinner for me... very tasty hokkien char, with nicely seasoned roasted chicken and perfect egg salad!! :)
3. A surprising email from Yng Ling.
4. A spontaneous phone call from Quei Nee.

1. Jennifer's timing is impeccable, as always. She sent me a CNY card together with a sticker. She's SOOOOO SWEET LAH!!!
2. Mom went down to maintenance office to help me pay the maintenance and get the quit rent statement.
3. Found wholewheat pasta at Tesco
4. Bought rice "bucket" after searching for a long time :)
5. Email from Winnie
6. Enjoyed Lam Mee at Tesco today
7. Got a very heartwarming SMS from Esme today

Bah also says:
i like to think of the WORST case scenario...and then immediately i feel better
because i think no matter what happens....i can deal with it
ooh ooh and also think....all things, good and bad, shall come to pass...
then you are focussed on the present
i think the older you get, the more life experiences you have the better you handle challenges

1. Awwww Evelyn's so sweet, she bought me lemon pie.... it totally made my day!
2. Mom cooked yummy claypot rice
3. Mom in good spirits
4. New bedsheets!

Life is about all the small things eh :)

Today I phoned Eng Hoe crying that I will be reborn as a peta.
I told him that cos lately I always lose patience with my mom.
Haha he says he doubt I will be reborn as a hungry ghost.

As to how I should respond to situations whereby I am "provoked"..
he reminded me to approach it with Mindfulness...
don't just React, like I do out of habit.
Be mindful, take a moment back and reflect first,...
if I react this way, what will happen? Will it improve the situation? or make it worse? or hurt feelings?

He also says now I am the "adult" in the situation, I shouldn't take what she says as "her"...
just like if my students throw tantrum or scold.... I know better than to React and succumb to their tantrum.
I should realise that when she says those words, it is not "her" talking and don't take it personally.
I am reminded by Ajahn Brahms lotus analogy... the water just rolls off the lotus... the lotus remains pure and unaffected.

Learn to remain neutral under all circumstances, Uppekkha. If she says bad things, then just shut it out...
I told him somehow I am able to do that for my grandmother but for my mom it's difficult.
He says that I just haven't gotten used to it only, once you train yourself to, you'll be able to do it and be unaffected by her negative comments.

Eng Hoe also explained why I shouldn't just React, from a Kammic perspective.
What happens to me, may be my kamma, but my kamma doesn't dictate how I respond to it. In fact, how well or badly I respond to it, may just create good/bad kamma for the future.
Example, someone scolds me,... probably something bad I did in the past due to bad kamma it is "fated" that someone scolds me.
But I may be Mindful enough to respond to it positively. I can choose not to let it upset me and maybe laugh over it. -> good kamma
or I may be UnMindful and React to it Emotionally -> bad kamma
So do not just React. Be Mindful.

p/s- it just occured to me something,
I said to Eng Hoe that I find it hard to remain neutral becos "she is my mother"...
but if you see things in the grander scale of things,....
she is your mother only in this lifetime,... past life she's probably not your mother, probably someone else is your mother. Are you going to go be emotional about he way this someone else who is your mother in the past life?
No right? So you just do your Service in this life to someone who is your mother in this life. Show her compassion like you would other pple (eg your students)